What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
