the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
