I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
