i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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