And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"