i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
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there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
That accounts for only three of the penises
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7