Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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