She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize