good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
