Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
