So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
