you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
