My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize