You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i can't believe i had my finger in that
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
