Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
