Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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