Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
