I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I need to sanitize my soul.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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