I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
