I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
