This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
