Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
