I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
