we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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