Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
