Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize