he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
