It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
