apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
are you so shy because you have an std?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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