i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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