We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
