And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
