I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
