Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
