If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
