i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
