I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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