I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
