I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I seem to have left my pride at pride
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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