just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
