My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I want a musical about memes.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
