I cannot find my penis.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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