But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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