so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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