just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
