I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
