I looked at my own cervix.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
