Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
