I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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