mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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