I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
