I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
How's work?
Spinning.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
