She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
