RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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