party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
