Dignity is for republicans.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
