can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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