i think my tv is drunk
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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