The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
