as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
porn star boner night. come get it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We were destined to go to rehab together
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
