i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
