Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
