Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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